ASTROLOGICAL PROGNOSTICATIONS for 2018
CAPRICORN - (Dec 22nd - Jan 20th)
Your exemplary performance at almost all the village social events in 2017 came as a pleasant surprise to fellow residents. A minor gaffe at the Christmas “Fayre”, when you omitted to acknowledge the Village Squire, can be forgiven, as there is some confusion between contenders over the current holder of the post. Such is the improvement in your social standing, there is a strong possibility that your application to join the 2018 Progressive Supper may well be looked on favourably by the Security Committee. You can look forward to the coming year with an unusual degree of confidence but you would be well advised to maintain a neutral position to avoid becoming embroiled in a local controversy. You should be particularly careful when your planets are in conjugation with your ecliptic, especially around tea time.
Your reputation has taken a severe knock after it was realised you were not alone when wrapped up as a parcel in the pre-Christmas festivities at a well known local hostelry. Fortunately, neither the partner of yourself or your “companion” witnessed the unfortunate exposure when the wrapping gave way unexpectedly but, thanks to camera phones and social media your household was not overflowing with festive cheer over the festive period. Your decision to remain more or less sober at the New Year Festivities prevented any further deterioration but it will be well into the summer before there is any chance of the normal level of hostility being restored. For obvious reasons the early part of the year could be difficult but if you can avoid any further embarrassments, the second half of the year might be much easier as your planets move to apoapsis, reducing the influence on your malefic aspects.
If anyone discovers who published some unsavoury files hacked from the computer of a well known local resident your chances of remaining a respected member of the Neighbourhood Watch will be well and truly scuppered. While the exotic interests of the party in question would certainly offend those of a delicate disposition, the downloaded material, while unsavoury and probably inflammatory, is not, technically, illegal but the means you used to access the information most certainly is. You would be well advised to dismantle the device you used and delete any incriminating files on your laptop and any local forums immediately. If you can manage to avoid becoming embroiled in the hacking conspiracy things should brighten up by Easter when your Mandela indicates a positive aspect. Towards the middle of the year you may suffer from a chronic affliction but once the source of irritation leaves to continue their education any persistent symptoms will be financial rather than physical.
Your clumsy attempt to win a local competition failed, after the organisers rejected a number of votes in identical handwriting, cast in your favour. While the administrators have stopped short of identifying you as the culprit, one or two thinly veiled accusations were made during the adjudication process to make it quite clear you were the prime suspect. You would be well advised to swallow your pride and publicly congratulate the eventual winner, who managed to evade detection with the adoption of a no less intense but rather more subtle canvassing campaign. You could well find yourself in some difficulty during a occultation in late June when Uranus is coincident with your ecliptic but if you can avoid getting caught everything should eventually return to normal by the late autumn.
There can be no one in the village who hasn’t heard about your escapade, although to be fair, some reports did exaggerate the involvement of the donkey and you were extremely fortunate that the Night Watch were so involved on one of their bedroom window patrols, they failed to see you sneaking home in some disarray. However no lasting harm was done to either the Donkey or the wheelbarrow but you must be on your best behaviour over the next twelve months if you are to regain any sort of social standing among your fellow villagers. A chance to redeem your reputation beckons at a social event in the autumn and, provided you exercise constraint and don’t attempt grasp at the opportunity with both hands, you may be accepted into lower echelons of the 6 o’clock club, although there is little chance of any progress further up the social ladder this year.
What a year, everything you were involved with came to a moderately successful outcome, apart from the parcel wrapping incident at a well known local hostelry, although even then you were able to move fast enough to render positive facial identification in the many photographs almost impossible. You enter the year full of confidence. An unfortunate conjunction within your ecliptic has the potential to cause minor difficulties around the Spring Equinox but if you take reasonable precautions and you all stick to the same story, there is little chance of any details entering the public domain. Later in the year you may receive an offer which you should consider carefully and discreetly to avoid any misunderstanding. Your planetary movements are somewhat erratic towards the end of the summer so you would be well advised to avoid anyone wearing blue, particularly if their vehicle has flashing lights and a siren.
Your behaviour at the Over 60’s dinner was almost impeccable. For the first time since your appearance at this event, no one seated in your proximity requested an alternative seat. You made your way home unaided and, again for the first time, there were no complaints from the volunteers of inappropriate comments or contact. Sadly the New Year celebrations resulted in you being ejected from a local hostelry quite early in the evening but, in fairness, a number of fellow celebrants supported your contention that your wardrobe failure was a genuine accident and you were readmitted, albeit in a more substantial garment, after a mass appeal to the landlord. If you continue in this manner you may well find an appointment to a prestigious village committee beckons. However, due to the proximity of your vernal Ingress the critical elliptic in midsummer could well leave you vulnerable to exposure. You should make sure all closures are securely fastened and an extra layer might well be of benefit. As ever the Horticultural Show is a possible social pitfall and despite the fact your ephemeris is working in your favour you should avoid the domestic classes.
Your appearance in a “Reality Show” on National Television was generally a success. For obvious reasons, you were ejected fairly early in the proceedings, but your assault on the two smug presenters during a live broadcast went viral and your decision to throw the pair of them into the snake infested mud pit was a popular move. Your subsequent appearance on a number of chat shows has opened up a new career and you should make the most of it while it lasts, but you would be well advised to reject an invitation to appear on the somewhat optimistically titled Celebrity Big Brother. Your temporary fame, although financially rewarding, means you are noticed rather more than before so you should exercise discretion when in public areas and in any personal relationships. Particular caution should be exercised around the late summer when your planets are in a parallel ecliptic and there is an unexpected disturbance in your astral plane and a rather unpleasant rash breaks out when you overdo the sterilising additives in the hot tub .
You are likely to meet a tall dark stranger, possibly several more than last year but it is unlikely that any of them will fulfil your demanding criteria. You would be well advised to cancel your subscription to a well known online dating agency and take notice of those closer to home. Obviously not too close to home, bearing in mind your current neighbours but possibly from the other end of the village, or even a neighbouring parish, although you should, before becoming too intimately involved, take the necessary steps to confirm their current relationship status this time. Apart from possible romantic complications the unusual precession of the vernal equinox could affect your prime vertical equilibrium but providing you don’t fall over at a crucial moment the consequences are unlikely to be serious. There are likely to be difficulties towards the end of the year but an unexpected ally will back up your side of the story and prevent any unpleasant consequences
As you were away over the festive season and into the New Year you avoided any involvement in the appalling events at the Neighbourhood Watch Christmas festivities. However you will have the problem of explaining your appearance in some of the spectacular images recorded by the Night Watch during their nocturnal patrols last year, some of which were accidentally circulated to a number of subscribers to one of the local email forums. Once you have overcome this setback the rest of the year should be straightforward, providing you ensure that you ensure that curtains are drawn during the hours of darkness. You should be careful not to overstretch your capabilities and at all costs avoid exposing your Ptolemaic Aspects during the summer evenings or the consequences could be life changing.
After two months of almost impeccable behaviour your illustrated address to a neighbouring Horticultural Society on woodland crafts rather exceeded the brief. Indeed I’m not sure the activities you described in such intimate detail accompanied by some graphic images, qualifies as a craft at all. Suffice to say two members fainted, several members are still suffering flashbacks and you still haven’t replied to the enquiry from the Chair for the address of the organisation which staged the event you described so graphically. Your decision to move to a nearby parish for a few months was probably for the best but, to avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness, you would be well advised to not to become embroiled in another village scandal but your supporting evidence later in the year may well help you start a new relationship..
I’m not sure what prompted your much publicised request, for want of a better word, to one of the notables at the Neighbourhood Watch festivities, not only did it provoke the swift and possibly painful response it deserved, but was also, due to a slight technical malfunction, broadcast in full stereo sound to the assembled throng and almost everybody this side of Newton Valence. The whole business was further exacerbated by the error in your subsequent apology distributed by one of the local email networks. Although this was yet another administrative error and not an accurate rendition of your original text, the long delay before the correction was published and the fact that this is not the first time you have pushed beyond the boundaries of common decency merely confirmed the suspicions of many. While your enthusiasm for certain pursuits is now common knowledge, a new opportunity may present itself in early autumn which could elevate your standing and provide an outlet for your somewhat limited talents.